Let’s be honest: finding the right therapist can feel like dating. You want someone you click with, who understands you, and who gets your sense of humor (bonus points if they laugh at your jokes).
(Just to clarify—no actual dating involved here. Please, resist the urge to ask your therapist to dinner. The therapeutic relationship is strictly professional… even if they seem like they’d be a great person to grab a latte with. We do have healthy boundaries).
Just like in any good relationship, finding the right therapist is about fit, trust, and a sprinkle of that “just right” feeling. So, if you’re “shopping around” for a therapist, here’s what to keep in mind as you look for your therapeutic match.
The Therapy Search: A Journey of Self-Discovery (With a Side of Awkward)
Why Therapy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
Think of therapy as a partnership. A good match between therapist and client can make all the difference in how supported, understood, and comfortable you feel. Therapy is most effective when you trust your therapist and feel safe enough to open up—even about the things you’d rather not talk about. So, if you’re feeling out therapists, bravo! You’re investing in yourself, and that deserves a high-five (and maybe a nice coffee afterward).
Finding a therapist is about fit, not failure.
Trusting the Process and Recognizing Roadblocks
Starting therapy is a courageous step, but it’s also a journey that may not feel perfectly smooth every session. Trusting the process means allowing room for growth, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable at first.
Therapy can have some common roadblocks, especially early on:
- Opening Up: It may take time to feel fully comfortable sharing vulnerable details.
- Managing Expectations: Progress isn’t always linear; some sessions may feel intense, while others are more reflective.
- Sticking With It: It’s tempting to back out if things feel challenging, but often those moments are signs of growth.
Trust that each step brings you closer to the support you need. Progress happens in different ways for everyone, and your therapist will be there to guide you.
Go Ahead—Shop Around! We’re Here for It
I completely understand if you’re taking your time to find someone who clicks with you. It’s not like you’d walk into a random shoe store, try on the first pair you see, and call it a day. Your therapist is here to support you on a journey, and it’s worth taking a little time to make sure you’ve got the right guide.
So, Ask Those Questions
Feel free to get curious! Ask about the therapist’s approach, style, or what they find most rewarding in their work. This is your chance to get a sense of how they think and whether you’re vibing with that energy. (And if a therapist answers every question with, “Let’s talk about that next week,” you might want to keep looking.)
Therapist Shopping Checklist
This checklist will help you stay focused on what matters when consulting with potential therapists. Consider asking these questions to get a better sense of fit:
- What is your approach to therapy?
- How much experience do you have with [my specific issue]?
- How would you describe your therapy style?
- What do you find most rewarding in your work?
- How often do you recommend sessions, and what does a typical session look like?
- What should I expect in terms of boundaries and communication outside sessions?
Feel free to add any personal questions that reflect what’s important to you!
Let’s Talk About Fit—and If It Doesn’t Click, That’s Okay Too
Even the best therapist might not be the right one for every client, and that’s completely normal. Here at Storm Haven Counseling & Wellness, we want to make sure you feel completely at ease. If, for any reason, you or your therapist feel like this relationship isn’t quite the right fit, we’ll help you rematch with another talented therapist on our team.
Try a Trial Period (and Know That Rematching is Always an Option)
Sometimes, finding the right therapeutic fit takes a couple of sessions. Think of these first few sessions as a “trial period” where both you and your therapist can get a feel for how well you connect. And here at Storm Haven Counseling & Wellness, we truly try our best to make that initial match as seamless as possible. We take the time to understand your needs and preferences to connect you with a therapist we believe is the best fit.
But if, for any reason, it doesn’t feel quite right, that’s okay too. We want you to feel fully supported, and if a better fit might be with another therapist in our practice, we’re happy to rematch you with someone who might be more aligned with your goals and personality. Your comfort and progress are what matter most, and we’re here to help you find the right person to walk this journey with you.
It’s completely normal to need a few sessions to see if the connection feels right.
What to Expect in a First Session
The first session with a therapist is often about setting the stage for future work together. Here’s a quick guide to what you can typically expect:
- Getting to Know You: Your therapist will likely ask about your background, goals, and any current issues. This information helps them understand how to best support you.
- Discussing Goals: You’ll start to identify what you hope to gain from therapy. Don’t worry if your goals are still forming—clarity often develops over time.
- Setting Boundaries and Expectations: Your therapist may talk about confidentiality, communication, and session structure to ensure you feel comfortable.
- Exploring Next Steps: The therapist might suggest a general plan for upcoming sessions based on your needs, which may include approaches or areas of focus.
Every therapist has their own style, but a good first session should leave you feeling heard, understood, and hopeful about the work ahead.
Keep an Open Dialogue (It’s Less Scary Than It Sounds, Promise)
Open communication in therapy isn’t just encouraged; it’s essential. You might feel hesitant to speak up if things aren’t quite right, but remember: this is your space. Therapists appreciate feedback and want to know what’s working and what’s not. It’s like a recipe—sometimes you need to adjust the ingredients to get the perfect balance.
Open communication isn’t just encouraged; it’s essential for a strong therapeutic relationship.
Transparency is Key
Being upfront about your goals, concerns, and what you’re looking for in a therapist can only help you. And we’ll return the favor, too, by sharing any boundaries or limitations we have so you know exactly what to expect. That way, you’ll know if we’re a good match from the start.
Common Therapy Goals to Get Started
Therapy goals vary, and while some clients come in with a clear focus, others might not know where to start. Here are a few common goals that can give you a sense of direction:
- Managing Anxiety or Depression: Finding strategies to better cope with intense feelings and gain emotional stability.
- Improving Relationships: Exploring ways to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
- Building Self-Esteem: Working on confidence, self-worth, and a positive self-view.
- Coping with Life Transitions: Navigating major changes like career shifts, family dynamics, or relocations.
- Addressing Past Trauma: Healing from experiences that continue to impact your well-being.
Remember, therapy is a flexible process—your goals can evolve as you grow!
FAQs You Didn’t Know You Had (Or Maybe You Did)
“How Do I Know If It’s a Good Fit?”
Simple: Do you feel heard? Seen? Comfortable? That’s a great start. If you can imagine texting a friend afterward and saying, “Okay, I think I found a good one,” you’re probably on the right track.
“What If I Don’t Feel That Click?”
If you don’t feel that click, that’s okay. Just let us know, and we’ll make it right. Whether that means making some adjustments in how we work together or connecting you with another therapist here at Storm Haven, we’re here to ensure your needs are met.
What New Therapists Need to Know About Clients “Shopping Around”
For new therapists, hearing that a client is “shopping around” can sometimes feel daunting. But remember, this isn’t about you; it’s about helping clients find a space where they feel truly understood and supported. Here are a few key points to keep in mind as you navigate this experience with clients:
Embrace Curiosity and Transparency
Clients who are exploring their options are often looking for transparency and openness. As a new therapist, don’t be afraid to invite questions about your approach, experience, and areas of specialty. Encourage clients to share what they hope to gain from therapy and any preferences they have regarding style or structure. When clients see you’re open to dialogue and curiosity, they feel safer exploring their needs.
Encourage Feedback Early On
In the first few sessions, create an open space for feedback. Let clients know that if they ever feel something isn’t working, you’re open to adjusting your approach. This can strengthen trust and also help clients feel more comfortable if they do decide to explore other options.
Suggested Script:
“I really appreciate open communication, so if there’s anything that you’d like me to adjust or any feedback you have as we go along, please let me know. Your comfort and progress are my top priorities.”
Recognize the Importance of Fit (and the Value of Rematching)
Therapy is a unique relationship, and it’s okay if every client isn’t the perfect match for your style or approach. At Storm Haven, we support rematching when it’s in the client’s best interest. If you sense that another therapist within the practice might be better suited to their needs, frame it as an option that reflects your commitment to their growth, not a failure to connect.
Suggested Script:
“Finding the right therapist can take a little time, and I want you to feel fully supported. If, at any point, it feels like you’d benefit from a different approach, I’d be happy to connect you with another therapist here at Storm Haven who may be a better match.”
Focus on Your Unique Strengths
As a new therapist, you bring your own unique perspective, background, and strengths to the table. Focus on what you can offer clients rather than comparing yourself to others. Clients resonate with authenticity, so being genuine about your skills and approach can often be more impactful than trying to adopt a style that doesn’t feel natural.
Normalize the Trial Period and Embrace Its Benefits
The first few sessions are an opportunity for both you and the client to explore the potential fit. Embrace this as a time to build rapport and determine if your approach is aligning with their needs. If not, know that a rematch isn’t a setback—it’s an example of putting the client’s growth first.
Suggested Script:
“These initial sessions are all about getting a feel for how we work together. If things feel right, wonderful! But if not, we’ll make sure you’re matched with someone here at Storm Haven who feels like a better fit. The goal is for you to feel fully supported on this journey.”
What Therapists Might Feel When a Client Says “This Isn’t the Right Fit” (And Why That’s Okay)
Hearing that a client doesn’t feel a match can stir up a range of emotions for therapists—especially if you’re newer to the field. It’s a normal, human reaction to feel a little sting when a client chooses to move on. Here are some common reactions that can come up, along with insights on how to work through them.
Feeling Rejected
It’s easy to take it personally when a client doesn’t feel the connection. You’ve put effort into building rapport, and it’s natural to feel a sense of rejection. Remind yourself that this isn’t about your worth as a therapist or person; it’s about finding the best fit for the client. Therapy is such a personal process that even the most skilled therapist isn’t the right match for every individual.
Insight: Try to see this as a redirection rather than a rejection. It’s an opportunity for the client to find someone who meets their unique needs and for you to keep honing your strengths with clients who truly resonate with your style.
Personalizing the Client’s Feedback
When clients bring up specific feedback or request changes, it’s common to feel like you’re not doing enough. You may start questioning if your skills or approach are “good enough.” But remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and client feedback is a valuable tool—not a critique of your competence.
Insight: Take a step back and treat this feedback as a way to refine your approach rather than seeing it as a criticism. Use these moments to learn and adapt, knowing that your flexibility and responsiveness are assets to your practice.
Imposter Syndrome
If a client expresses that they want to try working with someone else, it can trigger thoughts of self-doubt—especially if you’re new to therapy. You might question your capabilities or worry that you’ll experience similar situations with other clients.
Insight: Remember that even the most experienced therapists experience this at times. You’re growing and developing as a therapist, and situations like these are part of that journey. Trust that your authenticity and dedication are exactly what clients need.
Wanting to “Fix” the Situation
Therapists often feel a strong urge to help, and it can be tough to let go when you feel like you could still make it work. You might want to adjust your approach or try harder to connect, but sometimes, the best way to help is by supporting the client’s choice to seek a better fit.
Insight: Acknowledge that while adaptability is valuable, letting go is sometimes the most supportive thing you can do. Empowering clients to advocate for their needs is a positive outcome, even if it means they transition to another therapist.
Managing the Discomfort of Unfinished Work
When a client decides to move on, there can be an unsettling feeling of “unfinished work.” You may feel that you could have helped more if only you’d had more time.
Insight: Remind yourself that every interaction has value. The work you did together still made an impact, whether or not it continued long-term. Trust that the client will take what they’ve gained and continue growing, even if that journey unfolds elsewhere.
Feeling Like the Time and Energy Investment Wasn’t Worth It
When a client decides to move on, it’s natural to feel that all the time, effort, and energy you put into building the relationship was wasted. After all, you invested in creating a safe, supportive space for them, and it can feel disheartening when that work doesn’t lead to a long-term therapeutic relationship.
Insight: Even if the relationship didn’t last, the time and energy you invested were meaningful. Every interaction helped the client move closer to finding the support they need—whether that’s with you or someone else. And for you, each experience adds depth to your skills, enhances your ability to build rapport, and strengthens your resilience. Remember, growth in therapy isn’t always about the endpoint; it’s also about the journey. Your investment wasn’t wasted—it was part of your ongoing development as a therapist and an essential step in the client’s path toward healing.
Therapists grow from feedback too—every experience is valuable.
What Clients Need to Know for About the Therapy “Shopping” Process
If you’re a client exploring your options, there are a few things to keep in mind that can make the process smoother—and hopefully a little less overwhelming.
Trust Your Instincts, But Give it a Few Sessions
It’s tempting to want that “aha!” moment right away, but often the therapist-client relationship takes a few sessions to really click. Trust your instincts, of course, but allow for some time to build rapport. Remember, both you and your therapist are assessing the fit, and it’s natural to fine-tune things in those early sessions.
Be Open About What You’re Looking For
Therapists can work their magic best when they know what’s important to you. If you’re looking for a specific style or have certain goals, let them know! The clearer you are, the better they can tailor their approach. And if you’re not quite sure what you need, that’s okay too—your therapist can help you figure it out.
When Therapy Isn’t Quite Hitting the High Notes
Sometimes, therapy might feel a little off—not because the therapist isn’t skilled, but because the approach, style, or focus may need a little adjusting. If you’re feeling this way, know that it’s perfectly okay to bring it up. Often, a simple conversation can open the door to better alignment, allowing your therapist to adapt so you can get the most out of your sessions.
Script Examples:
• “I’ve been feeling like there are some things I want to focus on more in our sessions. Is it possible to spend more time on [specific issue or goal]?”
• “I really appreciate our work together, and I’m wondering if we could try a slightly different approach. I’d love to explore [mention what you’re hoping to experience or feel in sessions].”
• “Sometimes I feel like I’m not quite sure how to bring up certain topics. Could we discuss ways to make sure I feel comfortable sharing these things?”
Acknowledge What’s Working, Too
Starting with a positive note can make the conversation feel balanced and collaborative. Here’s how you might phrase it:
Script Example:
“I really value our sessions, and I think you bring a lot to the table. There are a few things I’m hoping to shift to get even more out of this process—could we explore some adjustments?”
Understand It’s a Collaborative Process
Remember, therapists appreciate feedback and want you to feel like therapy is hitting the right notes for you. Bringing up your concerns gives your therapist the chance to adapt, often leading to a stronger, more productive therapeutic experience. You may be surprised how open your therapist is to making these adjustments, and sometimes this dialogue is all it takes to unlock that deeper, transformative magic of therapy.
Final Thoughts on Finding “The One”
Finding a therapist is a journey, and if it feels a bit awkward, don’t worry—you’re not alone. We’re here to make the process as smooth and supportive as possible, and we want you to feel empowered to find the best fit. So ask your questions, take a few sessions to see how it feels, and remember, it’s all about finding what’s right for you.
After all, you deserve a therapist who not only “gets” you but who’s ready to walk this path with you, every step of the way.
Key Takeaways
Therapy Search: A Journey of Self-Discovery
• Therapy Fit Matters: Like any partnership, therapy is most effective when there’s a strong connection and trust between you and your therapist.
• Shopping Around is Okay: It’s normal to explore options. Finding the right therapist may take time.
How to Know It’s a Good Fit
• Ask Questions: Don’t hesitate to ask about a therapist’s style and approach. This helps you gauge if they’re a good match.
• It’s Okay if It Doesn’t Click: Not every therapist is right for every client. Storm Haven supports rematching if needed to find the best fit.
Open Communication in Therapy
• Transparency is Key: Being open about your goals helps therapists support you better.
• Trial Period: The first few sessions are for you and your therapist to see if it’s a good match. Feel free to discuss adjustments.
Support for New Therapists
• Feedback is Valuable: For new therapists, client feedback is a tool for growth, not criticism.
• Fit is a Priority: When a client needs a different approach, rematching is encouraged to ensure they get the support they need.
Emotions Therapists Might Feel
• Rejection is Natural: It’s okay to feel a sense of loss if a client doesn’t feel the connection.
• Every Experience Adds Value: Each interaction helps refine a therapist’s skills, regardless of the client’s decision to continue or not.
What Clients Should Know When “Shopping”
• Trust Your Instincts but Give it Time: Rapport takes a few sessions to build.
• Be Open About Needs: Letting your therapist know what you’re looking for helps shape a more effective experience.
Carpe Diem et Noctem – Seize the Day and the Night
In therapy, every session is an opportunity for growth, connection, and healing. At Storm Haven, we hold to the idea of carpe diem et noctem—seize the day and the night. This means making the most of each session, no matter where you are on your journey. Whether it’s one session, 52 sessions, or beyond, every moment we share is a step toward something meaningful.
For clients, this is a space to show up just as you are, to explore openly, and to take steps—small or large—toward change. Each session is a moment to embrace, even the challenging ones, knowing that every insight and action adds depth to your journey.
For therapists, carpe diem et noctem is a call to be fully present, to create an atmosphere of trust and curiosity, and to empower clients to make the most of their own stories. Every session is an opportunity to make a meaningful impact, one that extends far beyond the room.
Together, let’s make each session count. Each time we meet, we hold space for transformation, clarity, and peace, no matter the hour—seizing both the day and the night in our shared work. At Storm Haven, this journey is about showing up fully, every time, for whatever length it may be, and embracing the possibilities that lie ahead.
Why Storm Haven Counseling & Wellness is the Sanctuary for Your Healing Journey
At Storm Haven Counseling & Wellness, we believe that therapy is more than just an appointment on your calendar—it’s a safe haven for your deepest emotions, your hopes, and the parts of you that seek understanding and growth. Our approach to matching clients with therapists isn’t just a logistical step; it’s one of our most sacred responsibilities. We understand that the right therapeutic match forms the foundation for transformative healing, which is why we take every step with intention, insight, and care.
When you walk through our doors, you’re stepping into a space where every detail is crafted to make you feel seen, safe, and understood. Here, you’ll find therapists who don’t just listen but strive to genuinely connect with you on a profound level. They work to see beyond the surface, tuning into the subtle nuances of your experience. This deep emotional connection and the insight it brings allow us to foster a therapeutic relationship where true healing can take place.
Our team is committed to understanding your unique needs, goals, and even the unspoken parts of your story. With every match, we consider not only the clinical expertise that will best serve you but also the interpersonal qualities that will make you feel most at ease. We know that therapy isn’t just about techniques or tools—it’s about finding someone who “gets” you, who can walk beside you as you face life’s challenges and embrace new growth.
Storm Haven is a sanctuary for all. Here, we honor your journey, whatever it looks like, with compassion, authenticity, and unwavering dedication. Whether it’s your first time seeking support or you’re returning to continue your healing, we welcome you with open arms and a promise: You don’t have to do this alone. At Storm Haven, we’re with you, every step of the way.
Written by Jen Hyatt, a licensed psychotherapist at Storm Haven Counseling & Wellness in Temecula, California.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered professional mental health advice.