I had a dream last night. I was standing with two other therapists—seemingly we were there for some kind of award. We were all dressed in beautiful therapist-type outfits. I mean when you see a therapist, this is the way they were “suppose” to look like. So, I am standing there and the host of the show came up to me. The one who everyone else’s opinion funnels through and represents the absolute truth. She looked me up and down, touched my shoulder in disgust, and made a sound of “tsk, tsk, tsk” as she waved her finger at me then pointed over to the distant corner and told me to go “sit down.”
As this was happening the other two began walking to the front. I recall sitting in the corner and watching the crowd applaud and celebrate these two therapists and having a longing to be up there with them. I thought, “if I could only look and act like them then I would fit in.”
They finished, waved, and exited the stage. A calmness came into the room. Another person (not the host) stated in confusion, “there was suppose to be another therapist, I am not sure what happened.” They were getting ready to move on and held up a huge trophy for the victor to claim. The trophy that represented winning with its golden and fancy edges.
At that time, I recall a surge within me erupt as I stood up, and began running down the aisle with my hand up waving in hopes they could hear me. I yelled “here I am, here I am!” I felt like Cinderella running from the castle but, instead towards the stage.
There I now stood in front of a large room full of people of all various shapes and sizes all with their own perceptions and truths of how one “should” look.
I began with, “you know I was standing over there” then realized no one could hear me.
I walked at a quick pace almost running in desperation to get the mic and deliver the message I needed to proclaim for all to hear in hopes they would truly “hear.”
Then, I began again with a loudness that could not escape the crowd. “You know I was standing over there (as I pointed towards the back of the crowd)…and someone came up to me, looked me up and down, touched my shoulder and pulled away in disgust…I felt unworthy, less than, and ugly…and I was directed to sit in the corner. I felt great shame as the weight of society’s thoughts and beliefs weighed on me.”
I paused and took a deep breath, dropping the societal shield that covered and protected me for so long. “This is me. I am so fucking tired of society telling us how we ‘should’ look. The conditioning and marketing that guides us this way or that…in a sea of unrealistic standards that leave us feeling like we could never meet the mark and pit us against each other.”
I then held my arm up, chin tilted up, eyes towards the sky that signaled freedom from societal conditioning, I took another deep breath and said “accept me for who I am because this is me! Fully me. I am done living my life in the box that society has told me to be in. Destined to die when never truly having lived. I am done sitting in the corner and feeling ashamed because of the ‘perception’ of what is beautiful! So. Fucking. Done!”
I recall the crowd, some with tears in their eyes, standing in deep recognition then exploding into cheer. Shields dropped.
Then. I woke up.
Be you. Dress in what makes you happy. Fuck societal conditioning. 🗝️🏴☠️
#dystopian #bodyimage #selflove